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PRAISE THE LORD
An elderly lady was well-known for her faith and for
her boldness in
talking about it. She would stand on her front porch
and shout "Praise
the Lord!"
Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so
angry at her
proclamations he would shout, ''There ain't no
Lord!!''
Hard times set in on the elderly lady and she prayed
for God to send
her some assistance.. She stood on her porch and
shouted ''Praise the
Lord! God I need food. I am having a hard time.
Please Lord, send me
some groceries..''
The next morning the lady went out on her porch and
noted a large bag
of groceries and shouted, ''Praise the Lord!'' The
neighbor jumped from
behind a bush and said, ''Ha..Ha. I told you there
was no Lord. I
bought those groceries. God didn't.''
The lady started jumping up and down and clapping
her hands and saying,
''Praise the Lord, He not only sent me groceries but
He made the devil
pay for them! Praise the Lord!''
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Subject: super bowl
THE SUPER BOWL TICKET
A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As he
sits down, a man
comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next
to him.
"No," he says, "The seat is empty."
"This is incredible," said the man. "Who in
their right mind would have a
seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting
event in the world,
and not use it?"
He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to
me. I was supposed to come
with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super
Bowl we haven't
been to together since we got married in 1987."
"Oh...I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But
couldn't you find
someone
else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the
seat?"
The man shakes his head. "No they're all at the
funeral."
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At last.... A bumper sticker for both parties. FINALLY,
someone has come
out
with a 100% bipartisan political bumper sticker. The
hottest selling bumper
sticker comes from New York State:
"2008 - RUN HILLARY RUN"
Democrats put it on the rear bumper.
Republicans put it on the front bumper
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Three Rednecks were working on the BellSouth tower -
Steve, Bruce and Jed.
Steve falls off and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, Bruce says,
"Someone should go and
tell his wife."
Jed says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive
stuff, I'll do it."
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of
Budweiser.
Bruce says, "Where did you get that, Jed?"
"Steve's wife gave it to me," Jed replies.
"That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband
was dead and she gave
you beer?"
Well, not exactly", Jed says. "When she answered
the door, I said to her,
'You must be Steve's widow'."
She said, "No, I'm not a widow."
And I said, "I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you
are".
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Cajun Math Test
A Cajun man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him
until he passes a
little math test.
Here is your first question, the foreman said. "Without
using numbers,
represent the number 9."
"Without numbers?" The Cajun says,
"Dat is easy." And proceeds to draw
three trees.
"What's this?" the boss asks?
"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and
tree make nine," says the Cajun.
"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's
your second question. Use the same
rules, but this time the number is 99."
The Cajun stares into space for a while, then picks up the
picture that he
has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere
you go."
The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth
do you get that to
represent 99?"
"Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's
dirty tree, and dirty tree, and
dirty tree. Dat is 99."
The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually
have to hire this
Cajun, so he says, "All right, last question. Same
rules again, but
represent the number 100."
The Cajun stares into space some more, then he picks up
the picture again
and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says,
"Ere you go.
One
hundred."
The boss looks at the attempt. "You must
be nuts if you think that
represents a hundred!"
The Cajun leans forward and points to the marks at the
base of each tree
and
says, "A little dog come along and crap by each tree. So
now you got dirty
tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and
a turd, which
makes one hundred."
"So, when I start?"
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