1.

 Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

3.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

4.

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

5.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

6.

If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, on a hill, in the fog.

7.

The things that come to those who wait will be the scraggly junk left by those who got there first.

8.

The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

9.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

10.

When you go into court, you are putting yourself into the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.