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1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love
and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the
reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender
says, "I'll serve you, but don't start
anything."
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a
salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt
under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one
for the road."
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the
other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green
Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom
Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?"
Well, "It's Not Unusual."
8. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The
kids were nothing to look at either.
9. DejaMoo: The feeling that you've heard this bull
before.
10. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other
day but I couldn't find any.
11. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious
accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't
feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know
you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
12. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled
a mussel.
13. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
14. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one
turns to the other and says "Dam!"
15. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so
they lit a fire in the craft.
Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you
can't have your kayak and heat it too.
16. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a
hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing
their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office and asked
them to disperse. "But why," they asked,
as they moved off. "Because", he said,
"I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open
foyer."
17. A woman has twins and gives them up for
adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and
is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a
family in Spain ; they name him "Juan"
Year's later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his
birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells
her husband that she wishes she also had a picture
of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins!
If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
18. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot
most of the time, which produced an impressive set
of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little
which made him rather frail and with his odd diet,
he suffered from bad breath.
This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's
good).... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by
halitosis.
19. Two blondes walked into a building. (You'd have
thought one of them would have seen it!)
20. And finally, there was the person who sent
twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope
that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.
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